The Grasshopper Sunday Edition July 9, 2023: On Light and Darkness
And a bit about motivation
I’m in a bit of a dark time right now. It happens but this one is going to require some hard work to get through, so I hope my readers will bear with me. I’m not big on confessional writing, though I know it is very popular these days. So, you’re not going to get any big confessions in this issue.
I guess every time I write there is an element of confession but I try to keep myself out of it when I can. I write opinions, so what readers get is what I think, but that is about worldly events, not my internal dialog. But I am thinking about my need to use writing as a kind of therapy, to help me understand myself.
My first novel was written in the first person, and though it dealt with fantastic events, I tried to portray my character as a normal man facing events that were, to him, inexplicable. My early readers always said things like, “when you did this…” and I had to explain that he was not me.
But was he? He had my voice, my mannerisms, and some of my history. There were allusions to my late father and certain things he loved that I used to advance the stranger parts of the story, while imbuing them with a veneer of real memory.
Those parts are, in some ways, my favorite parts, small details like the forgotten book that starts it all off, something you’d find in one of the dusty used bookstores that my town had when I was a kid.
My father loved those places and though we didn’t have much money, we had a lot of books, including many classics, which informed my youth as I read things I might never have encountered. And, of course, those things led me to more things.
That curiosity was the theme of my main character as his curiosity led him to do things that defied logic, things that almost certainly were not a good idea. But they led him to a much richer life in the long run.
Somehow, in the third part of my life, I seem to have drifted away from taking those kinds of risks, in life and in my writing. Writing without taking risks is boring writing, just as life without risks has no edges to it.
I would laugh when people equated my character with me but I was fooling myself- of course he was full of me. But when I wrote the next book I took myself out of it entirely, partly to see if I could. I wrote in third person omniscient, which felt to me like I was hovering over my character’s life and seeing her thoughts dispassionately.
It worked out ok but in hindsight I did put in a minor character who served as a cameo for the writer. I liked him.
That story ended with a section where my character, years after the events recorded, enters the story in her voice and gives a quick sketch of what she felt and how things worked out. That was interesting because this older character seemed to take over the writing and I felt I was just channeling her. I liked her too.
I can’t claim to be any kind of expert on writing fiction. I’m always going to feel like a beginner. And like all beginners I’m going to make mistakes, fall on my face, and then get up. But I do it for myself, so I don’t have to display those moments for the world to see.
But it might be time to reconsider that.
When we make up stories we tap into a part of ourselves that more mundane writing seldom touches.
There is a lot of darkness in the world these days. As of today, the last four days are the hottest the planet has experienced in an estimated 100,000 years going back to the end of the last Ice Age.
Facts like that add to the angst that a lot of us feel, especially younger people who see a bleak and unpredictable future ahead. We’re in an existential crisis and I see it in the response to my climate writing, which is eclipsing the other things I do in popularity.
The temptation is to double down on writing about doom and gloom, but that’s a good way to send yourself into a downward spiral. I am fortunate to not suffer from chronic depression but I see it all around me and I understand why.
My preference would be to write sunnier pieces, things that are more motivational and uplifting. But the reality is they don’t sell compared to revealing the perceived evils of the world. I’m a pragmatist and I write my opinion stuff for two reasons, to get things off my chest and to make a few bucks. It’s my niche these days.
I’ve been watching this three part series on Netflix called Arnold, a documentary about Schwarzenegger mainly told by the man himself. The guy has incredible focus and drive and he is very articulate about it. It’s quite a story.
So, if you find yourself needing a kick in the butt I highly recommend it.
We’re in that kind of weather pattern where thunderstorms can pop up seemingly out of nowhere, dump massive amounts of rain and then disappear just as abruptly. Rainbow weather, but like many lovely things, rainbows are not something you can look for. They’re too ephemeral.
This can be true of good writing. As you get more experienced you know when you’ve hit it, but you can’t always make it happen. That’s why a daily word count is important. You can’t see that rainbow if your eyes are on a screen scrolling mindlessly. You need to look up. And you need to be present, which is a core message of the Buddha.
Wake up!
Did you write today?
Martin
1003 words
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